|Pairing: Clark/Lex |
Category: Drama/Romance, Episode Related, First Time
Disclaimer: No copyright infringement intended, this story is strictly for fun, not profit.
Author's notes: First published in the zine Better Part Of Me by Devious Development Press. Thanks to Sherri, Chris, Bast for beta'ing this story, and to Chris Ueberall, who got me hooked on Smallville.
Summary: Not that he had never indulged in a sexual fantasy featuring Clark in the years since they had met, but this dream seemed more real, more tangible somehow.
And in the sweetness of friendship,
As dreams went this was one of the best in a long time. After weeks of jumbled nightmares about his stay at the Belle Reve Sanitarium, his father's covert scheming, and visions of Clark Kent doing the impossible, Lex was more than ready for something different.
And this one certainly fit the bill. Not that he had never indulged in a sexual fantasy featuring Clark in the years since they had met, but this dream seemed more real, more tangible somehow.
Sounds of the early morning filtered through Lex's bedroom window, a warm breeze drifting in and bringing with it the scent of freshly cut grass. He shifted lethargically under the covers, enjoying the caress of silk against his naked skin, ready to follow wherever his slumbering mind might take him.
His eyes focused on the sleeping form lying next to him, heart spasming almost painfully as with every time he allowed himself to acknowledge just how beautiful Clark truly was. His farmboy was also nude underneath the sheets, face peaceful and lax, full lips slightly parted, tendrils of dark hair clinging to his forehead.
Unable to help himself Lex drew closer, a hand reaching out hesitantly for the sun-kissed body, half-afraid Clark might wake up at that very moment.
Lex's fingers brushed lightly along the line of Clark's jaw, then his mouth, wondering what it would be like to take those lips in a passionate kiss and have Clark surrender to him wholeheartedly.
He sighed as his fingers trailed down to Clark's neck and chest, his thumb scraping gently over a pebbled nipple. He really should stop doing this to himself. Clark was his best friend and that should be enough. It wasn't Clark's fault that the friendship Lex felt for him had mutated into something different.
Lex almost permitted a very un-Luthor-like squeak to escape as strong, but loving arms came to wrap around him suddenly, pulling him close, a leg pressing wantonly between his. He looked down into defiant green eyes, feeling Clark's erection bump against his hip.
For a timeless moment they remained frozen, eyes locked, Lex wondering if he shouldn't back down. Clark might be seventeen now, but even after the months spent in Metropolis, Lex doubted that he'd had that many sexual encounters - if any.
Then he remembered; he was dreaming, none of this was real. And in the privacy of one's mind, you could do whatever you wanted without any unfortunate consequences.
A leer lit his face and he was moving. A hand tangled in Clark's hair, holding him possessively, tipping his head to expose the alluring neck. In response to his touch, Clark arched his back with a moan, head lolling to one side as Lex nibbled on his throat.
"More, Lex, please," came the breathless plea.
Abruptly Lex's whole body tingled; he was on fire, submerged in the pleasure of his own making. Dreaming had never felt this good before.
He took Clark in a tight embrace, capturing his mouth in an all-consuming kiss. In the blink of an eye they were rolling around in the king-size bed, trembling hands caressing and arousing each other. Their lips met anew, sharing a slow, affectionate kiss, while he covered Clark's body with his own, rubbing against him, causing their hard cocks to slide together.
Lex moaned as Clark bucked his hips upwards, and he thrust back into the welcoming warmth, wanting more friction, more contact between them. It was not enough, it would never be enough. He was frantic now, moving his body against his imaginary lover, fingers brushing over Clark's muscled chest, mapping the smooth skin.
He felt Clark's hands sliding down his back until they stopped at his buttocks, kneading the twin mounds, meeting his frenzied pace perfectly. Never releasing Clark's lips, Lex moved a hand down, holding both of their shafts, pumping in sync with their thrusts. A few electrifying strokes was all it took for them to climax, bodies shuddering as they came together, groaning into their kiss.
He collapsed against Clark, resting his head on a strong shoulder as he tried to catch his breath. Feeling the pliant body underneath him, he vaguely wondered why the dream hadn't ended as orgasm hit. He had lost count of the number of times he had opened his eyes in the morning after dreaming about Clark, a hand still gripping his spent cock, the evidence of his release on his stomach and fingers.
A sleepy murmur had him lifting his head and he propped himself up on his elbow. He kissed Clark softly, desperately wanting this not to be a dream, but knowing how futile it was was to hope for what you could never have.
He watched Clark stretch slowly, green eyes opening and smiling contentedly at him.
"What are you thinking about?" Clark asked, his voice still husky from their lovemaking.
"How I wish this was real," Lex admitted softly.
Clark regarded him with a small frown. "And if it was, what would you do now? What would you say?"
Lex's eyes narrowed at the question. He didn't like being questioned, not even by his subconscious mind. Then again, there was no one around to hear him.
"I would tell you that I love you, Clark. That I want you to trust me, that I would never hurt you, that I will always protect you. That I need you. You make me want to be a better man - decent, honest. I like the person I am when I'm with you, mainly because you don't judge me by my past or because I'm a Luthor."
Clark sighed and wrapped his arms around him in a loose embrace. "I do trust you, Lex. I wish I could tell you what you want to know, but I'm afraid to."
"Why?" he asked, carding his fingers through Clark's hair.
"Because you might not understand, about who and what I am. Because everybody I love ends up getting hurt, sooner or later, and I don't want you to get hurt." Clark exhaled in a shuddering breath. "But you got hurt anyway. Your father stuck you in that... place and I didn't try hard enough to help you. I was too late to save you."
Lex brushed a soothing hand over Clark's arm. "You did everything you could, Clark. Believe me, I remember."
Clark lifted his head from the pillow and looked at him, obviously startled. "You do? How?"
"I have been having dreams about those missing weeks for a while now. At first I wasn't certain if they were real or a figment of my imagination, but the more I remembered, the more I knew they were memories."
Clark gasped, fear filling his eyes. "Then you know -"
"About you?" Lex nodded. "Most of it, yes. I will never tell a soul, Clark, you have my word."
Clark dropped back in the bed, bright eyes on the ceiling. "It was so hard being around you sometimes, seeing all the questions in your eyes and not being able to answer, no matter how much I wanted to.... I'm glad the cat's out of the bag." He shook his head sadly. "I finally got it, you know?"
"Got it?" Lex echoed curiously.
"Yeah. Lana will always be a very important person in my life, Lex. There's too much history between us not to be that way. But whatever I felt for her is gone. Every time I look at her now all I feel is this overwhelming guilt. It's my fault she got hurt, my fault she nearly died so many times, and I know I've broken her heart more than once. But...."
"But?" Lex prompted, his own heart beating faster for some reason.
"I almost went nuts when you were at the sanitarium. I couldn't stop thinking about you; about how you were doing, how they were treating you, about how to get you out.... I finally realized that I love you, and not in a 'friends' sort of way. In spite of all the secrets I was forced to keep, I do trust you. And I know I can talk to you, tell you anything and that you will listen without caring if it's the right thing to say or feel or not. You are the one person in the world that allows me to be myself, that doesn't get a disappointed scowl on their face whenever I do something out of character. Besides my parents, you're the only one that got to see the real Clark Kent."
Lex relaxed into Clark's arms. "Now I really do wish this was real. I've been waiting for a long time to hear that, Clark. As for who and what you are... it doesn't make the slightest difference to me."
He closed his eyes, dozing peacefully, smiling as he felt Clark's fingers running up and down his back tenderly, as he heard the words "I love you," whispered over and over again into his ear.
When he woke up again he was alone on the bed, no vestige of Clark anywhere, his skin sticky with drying semen. He squeezed his eyes shut and pretended his heart didn't hurt.
Clark startled awake, glancing around and realizing he had fallen asleep on the couch again. It wasn't the first time he spent the night at the Fortress of Solitude, and he didn't expect it to be the last either.
He sat up, wincing as he realized he had come in his pants, and rubbed his face tiredly. He had dreamt of Lex before, only this time it had left a bad taste in his mouth. While he'd had both his share of nightmares and erotic fantasies with Lex in the starring role, never before had waking up made him feel so lonely, so devastated.
Like the Lex in his dream, Clark wanted nothing more than for everything to be real. The lovemaking, the tenderness, the conversation....
Hearing footsteps on the stairs he looked up, knowing it had to be one of his parents coming to check up on him. They always worried when he didn't sleep at the house, having given up berating him for it long ago. They were both aware how painful the past months had been for him and were willing to give him some space.
He smiled as his mother appeared at the top of the stairs. "Hey, mom."
"Good morning, sleepyhead," she greeted warmly, hand caressing his cheek lightly as she sat beside him. "Breakfast is ready."
Clark grimaced. "I'm not really hungry right now, mom."
She raised her eyebrows in mock surprise. "Not hungry? Who are you and what have you done with Clark?" When Clark merely grinned faintly, she frowned worriedly, "What's wrong, sweetheart? You look like you've just lost your best friend."
He looked away from her affectionate, but shrewd eyes. How could he explain it to her? While his mother actually seemed to like Lex - contrary to his father's very public dislike of all Luthors - at times she did react somewhat harshly or thoughtlessly towards him, leaving Clark to wonder how she truly felt about his friend.
He shook his head. "You wouldn't understand," he breathed back, closing his eyes wearily. "I'm just so tired, mom. Tired of hiding who I am, of watching my friends get hurt because of me, of having to push them away to keep them safe."
"Is this about Lana?" she asked softly, voice rich with concern.
"Yes. No." He sighed, exasperated with himself. "I guess she's part of it. But not in the way you think. It hurts, the way things are between us now, strained and uncomfortable. I wish we could be close friends again, that we could hang out with Chloe and Pete like we used to. I miss that." He finally looked at his mother. "But I don't love her anymore."
His mother nodded, exhaling slowly. "But you do love someone else?"
"Yes," he admitted. "I didn't mean to, it just happened. I wasn't even aware of it until recently. But I won't do anything, mom. I can't risk our friendship, and I couldn't stand it, if he got hurt again."
"He?" his mother repeated, although she didn't seem very surprised.
Clark swallowed thickly. "Yeah. It's... Lex. I know this isn't what you wanted to hear, but -"
"Clark," she interrupted gently. "You're right; Lex Luthor isn't the kind of person I had in mind for you when you were growing up, and I have to confess I do have mixed emotions about him. While I disagree with your father on the belief that all Luthors are alike - as I can see Lex is nothing like Lionel - the fact is that Lex is a... complex young man. And for a long time, I was afraid he might hurt you, or our family, if for no other reason than Lionel might learn about you through him. But as much as I'm reluctant to admit, the truth is that Lex has been a godsend to this family. We would've lost the farm if not for him, and in his own way he has always looked out for you." She sighed softly. "And I think you'll find that your feelings for him are very much returned."
Clark frowned, trying to process everything his mother was telling him. "What are you trying to say?"
She smiled. "That you can't fight what's meant to be and I should have known that from the start. It's your life, Clark, and it's about time your father and I began to realize that. All I ask is for you to be careful - especially with Lionel - and to come to us if you ever need to."
Clark's eyebrows rose to his hairline. "You're giving me permission to see Lex?"
Her expression was openly amused. "I won't lie to you, Clark, and say I'm happy with this situation. But I know you, I know how determined you can be, and I know nothing we say will change your mind." She brushed the hair from his forehead lovingly. "You have to stop pushing people away, sweetheart, or you will end up alone. And no mother wants that for her children. I can't stand to see you hurting anymore, Clark. If you being happy means having Lex as part of our family, then so be it. He's strong enough to protect you and to stay by your side no matter what."
He glanced up at the ceiling, his mind going over every detail of the dream he'd had that morning. Making love with Lex had been amazing, even if only in his mind; Lex's firm hands on his body, his arousal, the earth-shattering orgasm.... The conversation had been a surprise, as he hadn't been expecting Lex to be that open about his emotions. Of course, Clark had been dreaming and obviously projecting what he wanted to hear.
But the point was that even with seven weeks worth of memories missing from his mind, Lex already knew too much about him and his secret, or suspected most of it - and if Clark were to heed his mother's words - still loved him. So could she be right? Could Lex be the one person that got to stay by his side? The one he got to share his life with? Would they be able to make it work?
The stuff of legends.
Clark smiled as he recalled that conversation, his heartbeat increasing as he remembered the look on Lex's face. Even back then they had already been heading in this direction, only he had been too blind to see what was right in front of him. And his mother was right; he didn't want to go through life alone, without knowing what it felt like to love and be loved in return. Maybe it was time he took a chance.
He smiled at her. "Thanks, mom."
"That's what mothers are for," she quipped, before turning serious again. "Honey, be careful about how and when you tell Lex about your powers. I doubt Lionel has stopped investigating you, and he's a very dangerous man."
Clark nodded, trying to fight the blinding fury surging through him as he recalled Lex's time at the sanitarium, all at the hands of his father. One day Lionel Luthor might just get his due. In any case, Clark would never allow Lex to go through anything like that again.
"I'll be careful, mom, I promise. But what about dad? I can't see him being too thrilled about this."
She gave him a mischievous smile. "Let me work on him. He'll come around in the end, you'll see."
Clark wasn't so sure, but he shrugged. "If you say so. Is it okay if I go to see Lex now?"
"Clark!" His father's voice called out, intruding on their conversation. "Your chores are waiting!"
"Yes," his mother replied ruefully. "As soon as you're done here. Shower, breakfast, chores, in that order."
He found himself grinning, heart lighter than it had been in a long time. "Yes, ma'am," he quipped, saluting smartly before rushing out of the loft.
Suddenly breakfast didn't sound so bad.
Lex looked up from his laptop screen as he heard someone walk into the study. He resisted the urge to groan as he saw Clark standing uncertainly by the desk, shifting from foot to foot. The last thing he needed after that morning's dream was to have the focus of his lust - and love - right in front of him, wearing a tight red t-shirt and looking like the poster boy for Jailbait R Us.
Considering that Clark was over six foot tall and built like a quarterback, the I'm just a farmboy from Hicksville image he managed to project at times like this was nothing short of amazing. Of course, Lex had no doubt that was all part of the fašade Clark had erected to hide from the world.
"Clark." He forced himself to smile. "What brings you to my humble abode? Today is not delivery day, is it?"
Clark dropped down on the chair in front of the desk, looking remarkably uncomfortable. "No. I just.... I needed to talk to you."
Getting up from his desk, Lex walked over to the wet bar, thankful he had chosen to wear loose pants, as he was already half-hard just by looking at Clark. He retrieved two bottles of water, then giving it another thought, poured himself a scotch. If he had to deal with Clark this early in the day, he needed fortification.
He handed the water to Clark and returned to his seat. "About what?" he asked, taking a long, satisfying drink out of his glass.
"Huh?" Clark asked, looking a little dazed as he gazed at Lex's mouth.
Lex frowned at his friend's strange behavior. "You said you needed to talk to me. So talk."
"Oh." Clark shifted nervously, licking his bottom lip as if to strengthen his resolve. "I, uh...."
Silence reigned for a while, and Lex felt his impatience rising. "Well? If there's nothing you need, I have work to do, Clark," he said, unable to keep the harshness from his tone.
Clark seemed to hesitate, then suddenly those wide green eyes were completely focused on Lex, making it hard for him to breathe.
"I trust you. I know that you would never hurt me, that you will always protect me," Clark rushed out, flushing slightly.
Lex blinked in surprise and straightened in his chair. Those words struck a chord inside, as they resembled what he had told Clark in his dream. Still, for whatever reason Clark had chosen to say them, it felt good to hear.
His smile was genuine this time as he said, "I'm not sure what brought this on, but I'm glad you feel that way, Clark."
"I should've told you sooner." Clark looked down at the bottle in his hands. "I want you to know how much I value your friendship, even if I'm a lousy friend myself."
"What brought this on, Clark?" Lex asked, beginning to understand that Clark meant for them to have a serious conversation. "And what do you mean?"
"I've been feeling that way for a long time. I keep asking you to do stuff, to help me out.... It doesn't matter if it's to help other people, I shouldn't do it. Or I could at least say thank you more often." Clark looked at him. "And I never meant to lie to you, Lex. At first I did it because I didn't know you and I had to protect myself. I've been doing it for so long, it's an ingrained response. By the time I came to be your friend and realized you were okay, I was already in too deep. I was afraid that if I told you the truth, you wouldn't forgive me."
Lex allowed himself a humorless chuckle. "Clark, I'd probably forgive you anything. There's nothing you can say to me that would make me turn away."
"Even if I told you that I love you?"
The words were whispered so low, Lex wasn't certain if he had heard correctly. "What?"
"I love you," Clark repeated, sounding somewhat breathless. "I never noticed until I thought about it, how I always came to you when I needed to talk, to share a problem, when I desperately needed to relax, to be myself. Somewhere in the last years you became my safe harbor, and I didn't see the importance of that until I thought I'd lost you, until I saw you in that... place and was helpless to do anything."
"And Lana?" Lex couldn't help asking.
Clark grimaced. "My relationship with her is over, has been over for a long time. I was just too blind to see it. Denial isn't just a river in Egypt, Lex," he added with a rueful shrug. "All my life I've felt like there was something missing inside of me, like I was missing a piece. Even with Lana and Chloe, the feeling never really went away. But when I'm with you, it's like something clicks and I feel whole."
Lex ran a hand over his head, for once at a loss for words. Everything he had ever wanted to hear from Clark's mouth, and now he didn't know what to say, or how to act. His father was right; emotions would one day be his downfall.
"Clark -" he began.
"Wait," Clark interrupted. "There's more. About those secrets I've been keeping from you -"
It was Lex's turn to cut him off. "You don't have to say anything, Clark."
"Clark, it doesn't matter," Lex insisted. Then, unable to keep the mischief out of his eyes, he admitted, "Besides, I believe I can guess what I don't already know. I've been remembering a lot of what happened the past weeks, Clark, including what happened at Morgan Edge's hideout."
"And who and what I am doesn't make the slightest difference to you," Clark stated, a relieved smile lighting up his face.
Lex frowned again. "You know, that's the second time you've quoted something almost word for word from a dream I had this morning. If I wasn't such a trusting soul -" He stopped as he watched Clark pale. "Clark, what's wrong?"
"A d-dream?" Clark stuttered. "Did it take place in your bedroom?" Lex nodded, a shiver running down his back as a sense of foreboding hit him. "And did we... make love?" Clark continued, flush returning full force.
Lex sighed. "Let me guess; I told you that you make me want to be a better man, and you said I was the only one besides your parents that got to see the real Clark Kent."
"Yes," Clark murmured. "I don't understand...."
"Well, apparently we both shared the same dream this morning, Clark," Lex said with a calm he wasn't feeling. "You've got to love Smallville. Unless -" He gave Clark a shrewd glance.
Clark must have understood him, because he shook his head. "It wasn't me. Not one of my... powers," he said almost bashfully. "Not unless it's a new one; the list keeps growing bigger," he added with a smile.
Lex shrugged. "I guess we'll chalk it up to Smallville weirdness until we can come up with something more."
"You haven't said anything about my big declaration of love," Clark said suddenly, twisting anxiously in his seat.
Lex leaned back in his chair, shaking his head slowly. "There are so many reasons why this is a bad idea, Clark...." he trailed off, looking at the younger man. "I may not be my father, but I am a Luthor."
To his surprise, Clark nodded. "I know. I've seen the darkness in you, Lex, I know you have to fight it every day. But that's part of what I admire about you. You know yourself well enough to know it's there, but instead of taking the easy way and giving in, you refuse to surrender to it." He smiled weakly. "If there's one thing I learned in Metropolis is that everyone has the capacity for evil. It's up to us to decide if we fight it or let it overcome us."
Touched by Clark's words, and knowing how true they were, Lex abruptly realized how much alike they were. He wasn't stupid; he had seen more than enough to know how powerful Clark truly was. That Clark chose to use his... abilities to help others instead of for his personal gain said a lot about Clark's strength of character.
"I love you, Clark, I want you to know that. But we're going to do this the right way. I'm going to speak with your parents tonight and we're going to date before we do anything. And by anything I mean sex," he finally said, trying his best to sound stern, but knowing he was failing miserably to suppress a grin as he watched Clark's disappointed expression.
"Why?" Clark's tone was close to a whine. "Chances are my father will try to shoot you!"
Lex smirked. "He can try." He regarded Clark seriously. "I want to enjoy this, Clark, and I want you to enjoy it as well. After all my previous... blunders, I'm in no rush to jump head first into another relationship. However, there's nothing to say we can't make out every now and again." He rose from his chair, holding out his hand for Clark to take. "Want to drive one of my cars? We can stop somewhere and... talk for a while," he finished, wiggling his eyebrows playfully.
Clark's all too rare laughter as he took Lex's hand and laced their fingers together was answer enough.
Sarah Conroy smiled as she watched Clark and Lex Luthor leaving the millionaire's castle, the happiness radiating from them letting her know her mission had been successful.
It had been a risk, using her newfound ability to control other people's dreams to get Clark and Lex together. Deep down she knew it was the wrong way to go about doing it, but she owed Clark so much more than she would ever be able to pay.... Thanks to him, she was free of her uncle, of a six-year drug-induced coma, and the Traveler had stopped haunting her dreams.
Now she had to keep working on Clark's parents, so they wouldn't interfere in their son's love life. Martha Kent hadn't been much of a problem; she liked Lex already and felt a somewhat maternal instinct when it came to him, although sometimes thinking of Lionel Luthor made her fearful of the younger man. But should the time come when Clark and Lex met with opposition to their relationship, she would stand by their side.
Jonathan Kent was another thing altogether. Stubborn as a mule, even in his dreams, he was resisting her attempts to make him stop seeing Lex as a threat to his family. But she would succeed. Even if for that to happen she had to pester him with constant nightmares for weeks on end, she thought ruefully. It would be amusing to see how long he would last before he finally gave in.