Category: First Time, Drama/Romance
Disclaimer: Not mine, also no money was made from this, blah, blah, blah.
Notes: The nightmare idea for this came to me long before I even wrote my first story. For some reason I just didn't want to write it, so I pushed it down, and kept pushing, until the little sucker just pushed back and I had to write it. I always thought that TPTB could have taken advantage of Blair being a Shaman to make a few more "mystical" episodes. Since they didn't, I decided to use it a little bit.
And as usual of late, part of this story came from a friend's request or challenge. This time Monica asked for a 'virgin Blair' story, with lots of angst and comfort in between. Hope I did a good job. Thanks to my muse Bine :-D, to Patt Paulos-Darrow for making me smile when I'm feeling down, and to Helen 'Bomb Expert' Karidi, who went above and beyond to help me on this one. And my lovely betas, DarkCherry, Helen, Monica and Sherri, you are THE best.
Summary: Blair has a nightmare and it's about to come true.
Never Ending Nightmare
~~Nightmare - From MSG (McAuley Schenker Group)~~
It was happening again. He could hardly see the wreckage through
the tears in his eyes. His heart was pounding so hard in his chest, it
seemed to be about to explode. His legs couldn't support him anymore, and
he fell to his knees with a silent cry.
He thought about all the lives lost in a single moment, about all the
things they would never do, all the places they would never travel to. And
he thought about those waiting somewhere for their loved ones to arrive,
not yet knowing they would never reach their final destination.
As he watched what was left of the burning Boeing 747, Blair also
thought of the friend he lost as the plane exploded. A man he came to know
and respect, a man he worked with for over two years.
Blair felt the scream tearing at his throat, the name at the tip of his
tongue. It was stronger than his will. Through all the pain he was
feeling, the grief, the anger at being unable to stop the tragic event,
his lips parted and all his emotions came together in a gut-wrenching
And as every other time, Blair woke up from his nightmare soaked in
sweat, his heart beating a mile a minute, certain he hadn't said a word,
certain he hadn't screamed the name.
And as every other time, he heard the soft knocking on the French doors
leading into his small room, and knew Jim was on the other side, that the
Sentinel was aware that he'd been dreaming again, and wanted to see how he
"Come in," Blair exhaled tremulously, his heartbeat only now beginning
to settle down to its regular tempo.
Jim walked into the room, bare-footed and chested, clad only in an old
pair of boxers, and sat on the bed. "You okay, buddy?" he asked softly,
clear blue eyes shadowed with worry, lines creasing his brow.
Blair took a deep breath, forcing himself to relax and let go of the
fear the nightmare always brought with it. "Yeah," he huffed softly.
"Same nightmare again?" Jim asked gently.
Jim nodded. "Want to talk about it?"
The young man found himself smiling. Jim might not be the most
expressive person in the world when it came to his feelings, but he was
always there for him, and made sure in those little gestures that Blair
knew it. "Not yet, man. I know I'm not being easy to deal with lately. I
just have a lot to process. I promise, we'll talk soon, okay?"
"Okay," Jim patted his leg gently. "Go back to sleep then, Junior. We
have to be up in a few hours."
Blair lay back down on the bed and watched as his friend turned to
The cop gave him one of his rare wide smiles, and nodded. "It's okay,
Blair listened as his friend settled back into the big bed in the loft
and sighed wearily. He knew he wasn't going to be sleeping again that
night. For the last three nights the same nightmare haunted his sleep,
assaulting him as soon as he fell into Morpheus' arms, and refusing to let
him rest for more than two or three hours in a row.
It was always the same dream. He was saying goodbye to Simon at the
airport, watching from one of those big glass windows as the plane took
off. Suddenly, only minutes into the air, the Boeing simply exploded into
nothing, killing everyone aboard. Blair didn't know why he was having the
nightmare, or what it meant, but he was starting to panic.
Maybe it had something to do with Incacha's death and him being a
Shaman now. The Chopec's death, not even a month earlier, had been a
terrible blow to Jim and a source of anxiety to Blair. He didn't know how
to be a Shaman, or how to use it to help Jim with his Sentinel abilities.
The fact that he could have such dormant power frightened him, and the
nightmare wasn't making things easier.
Looking at the alarm clock and seeing he had to be up in two hours, he
decided there was no use in trying to go back to sleep anyway. He still
had a bunch of papers to grade, might as well do something useful.
Taking care not to make too much noise, he got up, grabbed what he
needed to grade the papers and sat at the kitchen table. Soon he was
submerged in his work, and for a few blissful hours forgot all about
nightmares, Shamans, and the world outside.
The next day went by fairly quick for Blair. He had a full day at
Rainier and wasn't able to join Jim at the station. After teaching all his
classes and finally finishing grading the last of the papers, he made his
way to the loft. During the whole drive home he couldn't stop thinking
about his nightmare.
The strain of spending the nights awake was starting to get to him, he
felt exhausted and knew he didn't look too good, and a few of his students
had already asked what was wrong with him. He was just too quiet and
subdued to be okay.
Once at the loft Blair just flopped back on the couch and surfed
mindlessly through the TV channels. He knew he should try to get some
sleep, but the thought of having the nightmare stopped him. He just
couldn't risk it. He didn't want to.
A few hours later Jim was home. "Hey, Chief! How was your day?"
"Fine. And yours? Any new cases?"
"Oh, yeah! A thief is hitting the best jewelry stores in town and Simon
wants him caught. He's hoping my senses might pick up something at the
crime scenes that will help the investigation take off."
"So far we have nothing to go on. I spent the whole day going through
the case, going to the last jewelry store the thief hit...and nothing.
He's a slippery one. Simon was really grumpy about it today. I'm glad he
won't be around for the next few days, maybe I'll be able to solve the
case before he gets back."
"Gets back? Where is he going?"
"He's flying to Los Angeles tomorrow for a seminar on new police
"He can't!" Blair blurted out, his nightmare suddenly vivid in his
Jim raised an eyebrow and looked surprised at his partner. "What do you
mean, he can't?"
"I --" the young man stood looking at his Sentinel without knowing what
to say. What could he do, say he was having a nightmare in which he saw
Simon die? "I just... I have a bad feeling about him flying, man," he said
"A bad feeling?" Jim echoed, just as softly.
"Yes. You know, like one of those feelings when you just know something
will go wrong, but can't say exactly what?"
Jim said nothing for the longest time, then sat at the coffee table,
his hands resting lightly on Blair's knees. "Does this bad feeling of
yours have anything to do with the nightmares you've been having?"
He should've known Jim's sharp mind would catch up to the truth. Blair
thought about lying, but decided against it. Maybe Jim would help him
convince Simon to stay in Cascade, or at least to find another means of
transportation to L.A.
"Yes," he finally replied.
"What's it about?" Jim asked gently, his eyes totally focused on his
"I keep seeing Simon boarding a plane. It takes off, I watch it as it
gets higher and higher. It's like I have your Sentinel sight, I can see so
far away... Then suddenly the plane just explodes in the air. I close my
eyes for a moment, and when I open them again I'm in the middle of the
wreckage and as I look around... there's a shoe laying next to me, a doll
wrapped in flames. I just feel so helpless... It's been driving me crazy,
man! It just feels so real! After the first few times I knew it was a
nightmare, but I still felt the pain, the fear... It's a bit
"I can imagine," Jim said, sympathetically. "But you really think that
the plane is going to explode? Isn't that a little drastic? Maybe it's
just a coincidence. Maybe the dream is trying to tell you something, but
not exactly the meaning you see in it."
Blair looked surprised at his partner. "What do you mean?"
"I don't know. You know I don't understand half of what goes on with
this Sentinel stuff, let alone what a dream might mean. But maybe you
should think a little more about it, maybe there's a simple explanation
for the whole thing. If you try to push Simon, he'll just be pissed off at
you. Not to mention that everything you've been doing to get accepted by
him will be destroyed."
Blair was surprised at how rational Jim sounded, but he really
shouldn't be. Jim was quiet, but ever watchful, and he thought hard before
taking a definite stand on anything. And Blair couldn't help thinking Jim
might be right, that maybe he was overreacting to the nightmare.
But on the other hand, it felt so real, and he'd grown up learning to
trust his instincts. Plus, it was scientifically proven that some people
had premonitions. Why couldn't this be the case?
He shook his head. "I'm sorry, man. I just can't give this up. The damn
feeling just won't go away. If there's a chance this nightmare is the real
thing... I have to try and change Simon's mind about flying to L.A."
Jim nodded solemnly. "Okay, I'll help you then."
The young man turned open mouthed to his partner. "You will?"
The cop smiled gently. "Yes. I'm not exactly sure what's going on, but
I trust you. If you have a bad feeling, I'll go with it. That's enough for
me. You have good instincts, Blair."
Blair felt like hugging the bigger man to death. Once again Jim was
proving to him how much their relationship meant to him, how much he
trusted his Guide. They seemed to be growing closer together, more subtly
so, ever since Incacha's death. There was something different that Blair
couldn't pinpoint exactly, but he wasn't about to complain. He just wished
he could tell the Sentinel how much he loved him, but he didn't have the
He knew Jim dated both women and men occasionally, so he wouldn't be
too shocked at his advances, but he'd never given any indication he was
interested that way in Blair, plus the young man was totally inexperienced
at same sex relationships. What could he offer Jim 'Greek God'
They smiled at each other for a moment, then Jim nodded. "Let's go pay
Simon a visit."
It was a surprised Simon that opened the door to his house to the
partners. "Jim, Sandburg. What's going on? What are you doing here?"
"We need to talk to you," Jim answered. "Can we come in?"
"Sure," Simon let them in, and they moved to his living room. "Sit
down. So, what's up? What do you want to talk about?"
Jim turned his eyes to Blair, and the young man fidgeted slightly in
his seat. "Uh, well... That is..."
"Sandburg, spit it out!"
"Well... I mean... I was just wondering. Can't you go to L.A. by train?
Or, maybe drive to the seminar?"
"Drive to L.A.? Are you crazy? What's the matter with you,
"I-I have a bad feeling about you flying, man." He wasn't going to
mention the nightmare to Simon. The man had enough problems accepting the
Sentinel stuff as it was, if he said something like that, chances were
Simon'd lock him in a mental facility. "I can't get over this feeling. I
just... I wouldn't want anything to happen to you, man." Blair blushed
slightly, feeling like a jerk for sounding like an emotional basketcase in
front of the tough cops.
Surprisingly, Simon smiled slightly. "You mean that's what this is all
about? Nothing's going to happen, Blair, but thank you for the
"So, you're not going?"
"I have to. The Commissioner will be there, and he won't take kindly to
me not going. Look, just because you're having a bad feeling, doesn't mean
it's going to happen! I'll be okay."
Jim, who'd been silent until then, decided to lend his partner a hand.
"Simon, come on. If you have to go, it's okay, but can't you go without
having to fly? Like Blair said, you could drive, or go by train."
Simon shook his head. "Out of the question. I'd never make it on time
either way. I know the seminar is over the weekend, but I want to be there
from the start. Guys, I understand the concern, but I'll be just
The two partners looked at each other, dismayed. It was obvious Simon
didn't believe the bad feeling, and was trying to humor them, but was
starting to lose his patience.
A plan came to Blair's mind, and he decided to test the waters. "So,
you already have the ticket and everything?" he asked, giving Simon his
best begging look.
Simon sighed. "No Blair, I don't. Rhonda made the call to the airline
company. I'll have the ticket waiting for me at their counter when I go to
Both Blair and Jim tried to change Simon's mind without success.
Finally, after nearly an hour of arguing with the Captain, and realizing
he wasn't going to budge, Blair gave up. If they kept going like that,
they would end up coming to blows over the whole thing, and that was the
last thing he wanted. Gesturing to his partner, they said their goodbyes
and left for home. He still had his plan, and first thing tomorrow he was
going to set it in motion. If he could prevent it, Simon Banks wasn't
going to board that plane, no matter what he had to do to stop him.
The airport was crowded with a multitude of people, smells and sounds
mixing together, forcing Jim to dial down his senses. He watched Simon
pace furiously in front of the airline counter, trying to stay out of his
Jim couldn't believe he was actually doing this. Simon had asked for a
ride to the airport, that way his car wouldn't have to stay at the
airport's parking, but Jim was starting to regret saying yes. He was
caught in the middle of this nightmare mess and had no way of getting out.
On one side was Simon and his need to fly to L.A., on the other, Blair
trying to do everything to stop him. And doing a fairly good job so
Apparently 'someone' had called the airport that morning canceling
Simon's ticket. The caller knew all the necessary information, so no one
suspected a thing. They were waiting to see if the airline company could
get Simon another ticket, but the plane was full and it would be nearly
impossible. The only solution was going on a later flight. Needless to
say, the Captain was anything but pleased.
Jim had his doubts Blair's nightmares were for real, but over the last
years, ever since all the Sentinel stuff began, he'd seen more than his
share of weird things. Plus, Blair always looked so frightened and
panicked each time he had the damn dream...He couldn't stand to see him
If he was honest with himself, he'd confess it was much more than that,
that he was in love with the vivacious young man. But they were good
friends, partners, and Blair was his Guide, so he wasn't about to risk
everything and make a pass at him. God knew it was not from lack of
wanting though. Sometimes his senses would focus on the young man as if
they had a mind of their own, making him aware of his partner's musky
scent, the way he looked, the steady beating of his heart...
He should've known Blair was going to try something. The night before,
after they left Simon's house, the young man had been very quiet, his
expression thoughtful, and Jim could almost see the wheels turning inside
that amazingly brilliant head. He should've asked, should've tried to talk
with his partner, but the whole situation was just too 'out there' for
him, and he thought he might avoid it that way. He should've known
Jim turned his attention back to the present when he felt Simon
approach him. "Well?"
"They didn't have any more seats on the damn plane, I'll have to take a
later flight," he huffed, a peeved expression crossing the dark face.
"Jim, I know this is that partner of yours doing. I'm going to take great
pleasure in killing Sandburg. *Very* slowly!"
"Come on Simon, let's see the plane take off."
"Why? Do I look like a masochist?" the black man grumbled.
"No. But I need to know if Blair's nightmare was more than just
something out of his imagination," Jim replied darkly.
"Nightmare?" Simon echoed.
Jim sighed wearily. "Long story. Come on, I'll tell you about it."
"Captain Banks!" someone called behind them, and both men turned
An airline attendant ran up to them, smiling a little breathlessly at
the Captain. "We just had a last minute cancellation, the seat is yours if
you still want it, Captain."
Simon nodded. "I want it, all right." He turned to Jim. "Guess that
story will have to wait, Jim. I have a plane to catch."
Blair looked out the balcony doors for the hundredth time. He couldn't
stand still, couldn't stop fidgeting, he was too nervous. The plane Simon
was supposed to be boarding to L.A. was scheduled to leave Cascade's
airport in less than half an hour, and he was starting to panic.
He'd taken off the day at Rainier, there was no way he could teach, or
have office hours as restless as he was feeling. Plus, he had to carry out
his plan. As soon as Jim had left to pick up his Captain, Blair'd called
the airline company and cancelled Simon's ticket. The young man thanked
whatever deities were watching over them that the Captain had mentioned
the flight number the night before. It made things too easy for him.
Blair then set himself out to wait, it was the only thing left to do.
Only the wait was starting to get to him, he felt mentally and physically
exhausted. He couldn't stop pacing, couldn't rest, couldn't let his guard
down. He could feel the beginnings of a panic attack clawing at him, and
tried to push it back.
A sudden thought struck his mind. What if Simon had managed to get
another ticket? What if he was on that plane? What if it really was going
to explode, and Simon was going to die? A painful whimper escaped his
tightly compressed lips.
It wasn't possible. After he'd cancelled Simon's ticket, he'd called
the airline company again pretending to want a ticket and was told the
plane was full. There was no way -- was it? But what if someone else had
cancelled, and Simon'd taken that seat? Oh God! Please, no!
Blair took a deep breath. Relax. Think. Planes were checked regularly
for mechanical problems, so it was unlikely that that would be the cause
of the explosion. What else? He felt a shudder run through his body as his
mind provided the answer. A bomb!
Oh God. He had to do something! Without even taking the time to think
about what he was going to do, he left the loft and ran to his car. Blair
drove to the farthest phone booth possible and made an anonymous call to
the airline company saying that there was a bomb on the plane. He couldn't
be sure that that was the reason why the plane exploded in his nightmare,
but he was taking no chances. Simon wasn't the only one on that plane, he
had to try and save all those people as well.
He nearly dragged himself back to the loft, his mind and body shutting
down from the pressure put on them the last days. He just wanted the
nightmare to be over.
Two hours later he was about to crawl the walls. Jim had promised him
he would come straight back to the loft after seeing Simon off, but so far
nothing, no news, no Jim. No Simon.
A part of him knew he was being stupid, that if he really wanted to
know what happened to the plane, all he had to do was turn the TV on. The
disaster would be all over the news. But, he needed Jim there with him for
that, he needed someone to cling to. Someone to hold him when things got
too intense. Someone to help him understand how a nightmare could come
He was about to grab his coat and head for the airport when he heard
the key on the front door. Heart pounding in his chest he stood still,
waiting for the first glimpse of who was on the other side. When the door
finally fell open, Blair had to fight back the tears threatening to spill
from his eyes.
"Oh God!" he whispered, moving slowly forward.
Seemingly of its own volition, Blair's hand reached out to Simon,
fingers touching the black man's cheek softly, needing the proof the older
man was really there. "You're alive..."
"Yes, I am."
The words seemed to bring Blair out of his shock, and he pulled back
his hand haltingly. "Sorry," he mumbled, embarrassed.
"It's okay, Sandburg," Simon said, his voice oddly hushed.
Jim laid a gentle hand on his partner's arm, guiding him to the couch.
"Sit down, Chief. You look like you're about to drop."
"That's how I feel too," Blair replied, sitting down tiredly, hands
covering his face.
Simon went to the kitchen and returned with a glass of water.
"Thanks." Blair accepted the water, a taste of ambrosia to his dry
throat, and watched silently as each man sat on either side of the couch.
"You must be mad as hell at me," he said quietly to Simon.
"I cancelled your ticket, did everything I could to stop you from going
to L.A.." He took a deep breath. "Damn nightmare! Should've never taken it
"Well, we're glad you did," Jim said with a gentle smile.
"Apparently, 'someone' called the airline and said there was a bomb on
the plane," Simon pointedly ignored Blair's blush, and continued, "so the
plane had to be checked from top to bottom. There had been a last minute
cancellation, so I was on my way to check-in when I was told I had to
wait. We saw the crew and passengers being evacuated, and Jim, who was
still with me at the time, heard about the bomb and the search that was
about to take place."
"And?" Blair asked, intensely.
"We showed them our badges and went along for the search," Jim
answered, shrugging. "It was as easy as taking candy from a baby."
"You mean... There was really a bomb?" the young man guessed.
"Yes," Jim confirmed. "It was inside a briefcase and as soon as I
stepped inside the tourist class, I could hear the soft ticking."
Blair's forehead wrinkled in confusion. "But... What about the metal
detector? Why didn't it register the bomb? Did the guy use some kind of
lead or plastic to wrap it? Or maybe the components he used to make the
bomb were untraceable?" Blair ventured.
Jim shook his head fondly at his partner. "We'll make a cop out of you
yet, Chief. We called Joel, and after giving it a first look over, that's
what he said as well. The bomb was made of materials that wouldn't show up
on the detectors. He's going to check it thoroughly and will let us know
exactly what's on it later."
"Did you catch the bomber?"
"Yes. He was trying to leave the area where the other passengers were
waiting to board the plane. Said he was leaving because he'd just gotten a
call on his cell phone saying his wife had had an accident," Jim chortled
Understanding dawned, and Blair's eyes widened. "Oh, man, what a lame
The two cops laughed at the young man's stunned expression.
"Yeah. I could smell his fear from a mile away! And I won't even
mention his heartbeat! Looked like he was about to have a heart
"Why did he want to blow up the plane?"
"Your guess is as good as ours," Simon shrugged. "Rafe and Brown are
questioning the bastard now. From what we saw while we were talking to
him, the man didn't play with a full deck."
Blair rose from the couch and began pacing. "So, if I hadn't had the
"I would've gone on that flight, Jim wouldn't have heard the bomb, and
me and all those other passengers would be dead," Simon interjected
"God," Blair whispered, his eyes staring out at the balcony, but not
really seeing anything.
"Thank you, Blair," Simon's voice reached him, bringing him back from
the haze that was his mind.
The young man turned slowly, looking deep inside the other man's brown
eyes. He was enveloped in a sudden wave of warmth, and found himself
smiling widely. "You're more than welcome, Simon. More than welcome."
Feeling completely whacked, Blair snuggled back down on the couch with a
yawn and closed his eyes. "Man, I feel like I've been hit by a train!"
The other two chortled.
"I wonder why?" Simon muttered, feeling incredibly thankful for having
the young man in their lives. Not only because Blair'd saved his life, but
over the last few years, the young man'd become special to all of them, a
friend, a trusted companion, one of them. The Captain couldn't deny that
he'd become attached to the vibrant 'flower-child' any more than any of
the other Major Crimes cops could.
Blair had walked into their lives, changing it and them so completely,
nothing and no one would ever be the same again. And Simon was nothing
short of surprised when he realized that he didn't care anymore, that he
actually enjoyed the occasional challenge the Sentinel thing brought with
Jim turned steel blue eyes on his friend and Captain. "So, when are you
leaving for L.A.?" he asked.
"I'm not. While you were calling Rafe and Brown to take care of that
nut, I talked with the Commissioner. He was shocked to hear about the bomb
and told me it would be okay to miss the conference, that I had to make
sure the bomber would stay in jail for a long time," he chortled. "I
thought I would have to beg, but it was that easy. I didn't even mention
it, he was the one that told me to stay." Simon got up slowly, the shock
of the last hours finally taking its toll. "I'm going back to the station,
see how things are going. Take tomorrow and Sunday off, you both look like
you need it."
At the mention of his partner, Jim turned his gaze on the young man.
Blair was still sitting on the sofa, his head back, and he was sound
asleep. The cop smiled. "I guess now that the nightmare is over, he can
Simon nodded and moved to the door. "I'll keep you posted on the case.
Enjoy the free time, my friend, and... Thank you again."
Jim shook his head. "It's not me you have to thank," he said, and both
men watched the young man sleeping peacefully.
"I know, Jim, I know. See you Monday."
After seeing Simon out, Jim sat next to his partner on the couch, his
breathing matching the one of his Guide, letting his senses focus freely
on the beautiful young man. Blair mumbled something unintelligible, even
to Jim's enhanced hearing, and snuggled to the powerful body close by,
instinctively going for his partner's warmth.
Jim swallowed around the sudden lump in his throat, and hugged his
"Hell of a week, Chief," he whispered, caressing the curly head. "Hell
of a week."
As gently as possible, he scooped the slender body in his arms and
carried him off to his room. He laid him down carefully on the small futon
and tucked him in tightly with the covers, his lips scraping the smooth
"Sleep well, Chief."
He took one last look at the young man that had come to mean so much to
him, then left silently.
He was dreaming again. This time he wasn't at the airport, though. He
was in a forest. Peru? Looked like it from what he could remember of his
trip there. Why was he there?
Blair heard a howl and turned swiftly. There was a wolf close to him,
and for a moment, he felt his heart thundering in fear. Was the animal
going to attack him? But the beautiful creature just stared at him, as if
waiting for him to do something.
"What do you want?" Blair asked softly.
His voice seemed to set the animal in motion. He began moving away
slowly, stopping occasionally to see if the young man was following
behind. Blair chased after him until they finally reached what looked like
an altar of some kind.
The wolf jumped onto the altar and suddenly morphed into a human form.
A familiar human form.
"Incacha? What are you doing here? What am I doing here?"
"It is time to make the final choice, Guide. Enqueri has made his, now
you must do the same."
"Choice? What choice? What are you talking about?"
"You have been brought back to complete the circle," the Chopec replied
"Oh, man! Why can't I have normal dreams like everybody else? What
"What you experienced was an initiation into the Shaman ways, Guide.
Now is the time to make a choice. You can go back the way you came and be
an ordinary man, or you can go forward, but to do so will require your
life and your soul. Are you prepared to make such a journey?"
"I --" Blair licked suddenly dry lips. "What will happen if I say
"You will become the true Guide and Shaman to your Sentinel."
"The nightmare I had... had something to do with the way of the Shaman
you passed onto me then?"
"Yes. You and Enqueri are one, together you work to protect the tribe,
but you need help. The others were sent to protect you, you must protect
them in turn."
"The others? You mean Simon and the other cops?"
"Yes. They watch over the Sentinel and Guide."
"Oh man, Simon will just love that one!"
"Are you prepared to make such a journey?" the Spirit repeated.
"I --" He took a shuddering breath, his mind going round in circles.
The nightmare had taken so much out of him, had hurt him so much... Could
he go through that again if one of the others were in danger? But what
would the alternative be? Not knowing and watch a good friend die? His
heart rebelled fiercely against that thought. No! "Okay, I'm ready."
And as he opened his eyes he was back in his room, laying on his bed,
Incacha's last words still echoing in his head.
"It will be a hard journey, Guide, along the way Sentinel and Guide
will part and tragedy will strike. Have faith in the bond. It will bring
you back together."
A soft knock on the door alerted him to Jim's presence outside his
room. "Come in, Jim," he invited, smiling slightly. The Sentinel must've
felt the change in his heartbeat and came to check on him.
"Hey, Chief. You okay?"
"Yeah. Come here, sit down." He watched as Jim sat on the edge of his
bed. "Talk about deja vu, hey man?"
Jim laughed silently. "Another nightmare?" he asked softly, his voice
laced with concern.
"Not exactly. I'll tell you about it some time." He looked intently at
the man standing so close to him. "Have I thanked you yet for everything
you did these last days?"
Jim shrugged. "I didn't do anything," he stated, trying to dismiss the
importance of his actions.
"Oh, but you did! You were there for me, stood by me even though I knew
you weren't exactly sure what to think about this nightmare stuff. It
meant more to me than I can say, Jim," He rested his hand gently on top of
Jim's. "Thanks, man."
Their gazes met, and Blair smiled somewhat shyly at the other man. Jim
smiled back, brushing an errant curl behind his Guide's ear gently. Blair
read the unspoken question in Jim's eyes, and opened his arms out in a
silent invitation. Leaning forward, Jim tossed the bed covers aside, his
body moving on top of Blair's sensually, falling into the ocean blue of
the young man's eyes.
"God," he whispered. "Blair..."
He lowered his head slowly, giving Blair enough time to refuse what was
about to happen. Their lips touched, sliding softly together at first, in
a nearly chaste kiss. Jim cupped the young man's cheeks, his thumbs
caressing the stubbled skin lovingly, making the kiss deeper, more
passionate. He stopped thinking then, the lust taking over his heart and
soul, feeling their bodies move together, annoyed at the feeling of cloth
instead of skin.
Somehow he managed to get them both naked without breaking away from
the sweetness of his Guide's lips, but as he settled back down on top of
his lover, he noticed Blair was no longer participating in the kiss, he
was actually struggling beneath him to get Jim off.
"I'm sorry," Blair panted. "It was getting too intense... I..."
"What's wrong?" Jim asked, worried he might've done something to hurt
the young man. "Did I do something wrong?"
"God, no!" Blair answered, holding one of Jim's hands in both of his,
and kissing it lightly. "It's not you. It's... it's me. I, uh, I've never
done this before. With a man, I mean."
"What?" Jim nearly shouted incredulous.
"I'm sorry, Jim. I --"
"Wait a second, Chief," Jim interrupted, after taking a calming breath.
"I need to understand this. You've never had sex with a man, is that what
Blair nodded silently. "Okay. Do I sense a story here?" the cop
questioned, his eyes searching for any clues as to why Blair looked
suddenly so embarrassed.
"Uh, yeah. It's kind of a long story, though."
"I have time," Jim stated, his erection having lost interest in the
"Okay. When I was sixteen, my first year at Rainier, I was going
through what I guess all teenagers go through around that age. The
discovery of sex, the checking girls out. Only I was checking both girls
*and* boys, not just the fairer sex."
"So, you found out you were bi at sixteen. Why not act on it?" Jim
"I... Men and women are just different, you know?"
Jim snorted. "Really? I hadn't noticed."
The young man glared at him. "Will you let me explain?"
"That first year at Rainier wasn't easy. I was too young and everyone
looked down on me, I was just a geeky kid on their turf and most students
weren't exactly friendly. There was this guy in one of my classes, Mike
Tyler. He was, like, so gorgeous, you know? I guess I couldn't help
looking, and I guess he couldn't help notice I was looking."
"What happened?" Jim wanted to know. He had a sudden feeling that what
he was about to hear wasn't nice.
"He approached me one day as I was leaving Rainier. Said he had two
tickets to a Jags game, no one to go with, and asked if I wanted to go
with him." Blair shook his head sadly. "I should've said no. But I was so
lonely, so in need of a friend, and he was offering. We went to the game,
I had a fantastic time, so we decided to do it again soon. During the
months that followed we became inseparable, we went everywhere together,
did everything together. I needed a friend more than a lover, so I never
made a move on him, but sometimes I could feel him watching me like he was
interested. So one day I just got the guts to ask."
"We were leaving Rainier, I remember it was really dark, nearly
nighttime. We were walking together, and suddenly I just blurted out the
question. He smiled really sweet, said that yes, he was interested, and
kissed me. God, I was on cloud nine!...Here was this gorgeous guy, saying
he wanted me, and kissing the living daylights out of me. Needless to say
that it was my first kiss ever, at the time I hadn't been with anyone, men
or women. Anyway, there we were kissing, when I start hearing laughter. I
turned around and a couple of Mike's friends were there watching us. Then
one of them said something like 'Hey, Mike! Seems like you win the bet
"Bet?" Jim echoed, a gut-wrenching pain seizing him.
"Yeah. Apparently when Mike saw me watching him, he decided I had to be
a 'faggot' and what was worse, in love with him. He told his friends, and
when they didn't believe him, he made a bet that I was not only a fag, but
that I would end up kissing him."
"Jesus!" Jim huffed, a dark rage taking over his heart, making him want
to find those punks and beat them to a pulp.
"That was not all. Since the bet was won they decided to 'show the
little fag what we think of his kind'. I tried to fight them, but there
were three and stronger than me. I spent two weeks in the hospital," Blair
finished in a near whisper, his eyes shining with unshed tears.
"Oh Blair," Jim felt his heart breaking for the young man. He gathered
the trembling man in his arms, and Blair nestled gratefully in their
warmth and safety. He sighed as Jim began to run his fingers through his
curly locks lovingly, taking away the pain and erasing the awful past.
"I became a real brat after that. Blair Sandburg against the world, you
know? Don't let anyone close or you get hurt again, hurt them before they
hurt you. It took some time before I finally mellowed out, and even so...
I spent most of my life seeing Naomi go from one man to another, never
committing to any of them, just breezing through their lives," the young
man continued softly, from his shelter on the older man's chest. "I-I
guess somewhere along the way I started doing the same thing. Never
committing, never having anything serious with anyone. But obviously, and
as any hotblooded young man, I soon understood that my body had certain
needs I couldn't deny. The thing was that it was much easier to go to
women with that need than men. It takes a lot of trust, at least from my
point of view, to give yourself to a man. The whole dynamics are
different, a man can hurt you, a woman can't. At least, not that many
women can," he finished with a smile, as Jim grinned. "I couldn't risk
meeting another Mike, Jim. It would hurt too much."
"I understand. But I'm not him, Blair, and I love you. I should've said
it sooner, but I was afraid to spoil what we already have. It was because
of your nightmare that I began to think that I had to tell you. Life's too
short, I don't want to waste any more time. I love you, Blair Jacob
Sandburg," he vowed, caressing his beloved's curls tenderly.
"I love you too, James Joseph Ellison," Blair replied, a sunny smile
blooming through the unspilled tears.
Their lips met again, no fear or hesitation this time. The Sentinel
forced himself to stop, and moved away from the alluring mouth. He was
still stunned to find that Blair was a virgin to male love, and wasn't
about to do something they both might regret later. He couldn't take
advantage of the younger man that way.
"Blair, we don't have to do this, not now. I can wait until you're
ready, until you are sure."
The young man smiled sweetly. "I *am* sure, Jim. I'm a little bit
nervous, and I don't exactly know what to do, but I do want this. It just
got a little too intense back there," he grinned, flushing slightly. "But
I want you, need you. Want to give you this. I love you."
Jim felt like shouting from the rooftop with joy. The thought that
Blair loved him too, that he wanted him to be his first... He shuddered.
It was enough to make him hard again, painfully so. But he was going to
take his time, give his virgin lover all the care and tenderness in the
world. He refused to rush things and hurt the younger man.
Jim moved them slowly around until he was on his back on the bed, Blair
blanketing him with his smaller body. They took their time, kissing
tenderly, hands touching sweat covered bodies, bringing pleasure, arousing
and teasing each other. Blair's touch was somewhat tentative, he just
followed Jim's lead, doing what felt good, running on instinct.
"Chief, lube?" Jim managed to gasp out, when their lips finally
His Guide handed him a tube he'd taken out from somewhere, and Jim
spread some on his fingers, his eyes growing darker with arousal as he
felt Blair shift his legs apart in order to give him better access to the
secret place where no other man had ever touched before. And where no
other man would ever touch, Jim silently added to himself. He would be the
only one to be with Blair, to worship his body, and love his heart and
Jim continued to kiss Blair tenderly, stretching him slowly, one finger
at a time, giving his beloved time to adjust to the new intruder, until
the young man thought he was going to blow a fuse.
"Please, Jim," he pleaded. "Please."
"Okay." He coated his cock thoroughly with the lube, the touch almost
bringing him off, and locked eyes with his lover. Now," he whispered, but
Blair heard him and nodded solemnly.
"Now," he echoed.
Straddling Jim carefully, Blair reached for his lover's erection,
positioning himself for penetration, guiding the already leaking shaft
into his opening. He moved down slowly, impaling himself, taking his time
to adjust to the pressure inside, and allowing the pain to pass. He could
feel Jim watching him with a hawk eye for any signs of real pain, and
"I love you," he whispered.
Jim nodded, incapable of speech. The sensation of having his hard cock
surrounded by his lover's tight heat was nearly overwhelming, and he was
panting with the strain of having to stay still.
When he finally had Jim all the way in, Blair stood motionless for a
moment, his eyes closed, enjoying their connection. His hands resting on
the Sentinel's chest for balance, the young man began to move slowly,
rocking on the cock inside him, Jim thrusting up to meet him.
Jim reached for his lover's shaft, pumping it in time with their
thrusts, bringing them both closer to completion. He felt Blair tightening
around his cock and knew the young man was close. With a sudden shout, his
Guide came all over his hand and chest, his own shout following as Blair's
ass milked his shaft.
The young man collapsed on his chest exhausted, snuggling in Jim's
arms, and sighing happily. "Oh, man! I never knew it could be this
Jim laughed tiredly. "It will get better, Blair. This was just your
"Practice makes perfect, then?" Blair joked.
"Definitely," Jim grinned.
"Good, then we have to practice. A lot!" Blair stated, eyes twinkling
"God, I'm going to regret that, aren't I?"
They both laughed and settled down to sleep. For the first time in
days, Blair slept the whole night in his lover's arms, no nightmares or
dreams to haunt his rest.
Some months later
Jim was dead tired. He'd spent the night on a stakeout, and all he
wanted now was to go home to his lover, cuddle up next to his warm body,
and sleep for at least twelve hours straight. Instead, he was in Simon's
office with Henri and Megan, the latest acquisition to the team, working
some last minute details on a new case.
They were after a 'shark' involved in drugs and prostitution, suspected
of a number of killings, and unfortunately as in many such cases, they
hadn't a shred of evidence against him. They were hoping to be able to get
Rafe undercover inside the organization. The two men'd had some contact
already and things looked promising, but they were hoping to set the last
hook that day. The man had a complete insane obsession with classic cars,
so Rafe was at that very moment at the car impound looking at some
beauties to lure the 'shark' in.
And it was only 8:00 a.m., Jim thought with a sigh, thinking how much
he enjoyed waking up next to his lover, and how much he missed it right
now. He barely had time to register that his lover was in the building,
when Blair stormed out of the elevator and practically ran into the
"Where's Rafe?" the young man asked, frantically.
"Sandburg, don't you ever knock?" Simon looked up, annoyed.
"Where's Rafe?" Blair repeated through clenched teeth.
Something in the tightly corded body standing in front of him made
Simon stiffen as well. Life was so much better before all that
Sentinel-Guide stuff had come into his life!
"At the car impound," he finally replied.
"Shit!" the young man swore. "Call him. Tell him 'not' to pick the
Caddy, the Eldorado. Call him!"
Simon didn't hesitate. Since that first nightmare, Blair's premonitions
had saved their lives often, and they were used to them. He made the call.
"Rafe? Banks. Don't pick the Eldorado." The detective must've said
something on the other side, because Simon shook his head slightly. "You
heard me, the Eldorado. Pick some other car, this comes directly from
Blair. Okay, I'll hold."
"What's happening?" Henri asked.
"He's picking another car. Rafe? Well? Okay, I'll ask. Blair, he's
asking what car to choose, he can't make up his mind."
They watched the young man smile and close his eyes. Blair pictured his
dream, remembering all the cars surrounding Rafe and suddenly snickered.
"Tell him to pick the 1957 blue Chevrolet, the Belair. It will bring him
"There's a Chevy with your name, Sandy?" Megan asked, surprised.
The others laughed.
"Not Blair, Belair," Jim informed with a smile. "It's a beaut of a car.
It's blue and white. The most beautiful blue I've ever seen." He grinned
into his lover's eyes, the hidden message easy to read.
Blair laughed and stuck out his tongue teasingly at his lover. Who
would've thought James Ellison could be such a mushy lover?
"What?" Megan asked curiously.
"Nothing," both men replied at the same time, turning their attention
back to Simon's conversation.
"You heard me, detective, the Belair." He rolled his eyes, as everyone
heard laughter on the other side. "Okay, I'll hold."
"What's going on?" Henri looked concerned at the Captain.
"Don't know. One of the mechanics wanted to have a word with him,"
Simon turned his attention back to the phone. "Yes, Rafe, I'm still here.
Shit! Okay, see you later then."
"What?" Jim watched the strained expression on his friend's face.
"The mechanic just told Rafe the Eldorado had no brakes. If he'd taken
that one, chances are he'd end up plastered on some wall."
A heavy silence fell on the office, then Henri turned to the young man.
"Thanks Blair, I mean it."
The young man nodded with a smile. "No problem, man."
"No more visions for today, okay Sandburg?" Simon nearly pleaded in a
"Well, actually," he stopped as everyone turned weary eyes on him. "Uh,
"Spit it out, Sandburg," Simon grumbled, resigned to the fact there was
no escaping those two and their weird mambo-jambo.
"Well, I had this strange dream that I would meet an angel today, and
then there was this alligator --"
"Oh, please! Sandburg, there are no alligators in Cascade! Everybody
back to work!" Simon growled.
"I'm serious!" Blair protested.
"Nice try, Chief," Jim told the young man, his hand on his Guide's back
as they were moving to the door.
"Jim, Sandburg," Simon called out to them. "Remember you guys have the
night shift today."
"Right, Sir. See you tonight."
Blair settled on the passenger seat of Jim's truck, smiling to himself.
He hadn't been lying about the angel or the alligator. He couldn't wait to
see the circus on the station that night. A shudder went through him at
that thought. Maybe not everything would be that funny. In his vision he'd
seen Jim mad at him, barely speaking to him. He wondered if that was the
beginning of the hard journey Incacha'd told him about.
The young man shrugged. He would just have to wait and see. In the
meantime, he would have faith in Jim, in himself, and in their bond. In
the end things would certainly straighten themselves out.
Final note: For those of you who don't know the first thing about cars, (like me, actually), there really is a blue and white 1957 Chevrolet BelAir. :-)